Keep in touch
by RaspberryRaindrops
Summary: Nick and Zoe emailing back and forth. Let me know your opinion of leaving it there or doing a Chapter 2. All mistakes are mine, Nick and Zoe aren't or they'd be together and in a lot of compromising positions...
1. Chapter 1

**I wish there was more mentions of Nick in Casualty these days, I had heart palpitations when I realised the email was from Nick last night so anyway... Nick and Zoe will be keeping in touch via my e-mail one shot. Hope you like!**

_**NJ:**_Yes, I know her well and would advise you to be careful, Zoe. While she is, undoubtedly a brilliant surgeon, she is also not to be messed with. I offer this note of caution because I cannot fathom why she may have decided to join the ED, unless it was for her own gain.

Keep in touch.

Nick.

_**ZH:**_ Well, she's currently swanning around _MY_ ED, like she's already boss. Unfortunately for her I will not be giving up that fight easily. Did I mention she's moved into my office? Then there's the tannoy system - apparently the pagers aren't accountable enough. They won't help my hangovers, I tell you... Anyway, how's life in the States?

Lots of love.

Zo.

_**NJ:**_ I think it's safe to say she's after your job, please be careful. I don't want her messing with you; it's your ED and you're in charge. Just watch your step. If she's having lunch with Guy, then it's safe to assume you're hot gossip. You're definitely hot, at least ;) Life's ok, not the same as Holby but I can't complain. It's been a year since Yvonne died, it's flown in.

I miss you.

Nick x

_**ZH:**_ Bit cheeky, Mr Jordan? I know, how are you coping? I put flowers at her grave before I left for the wedding. Anyway, we have a penetrating chest wound in resus – Connie's loving it. You CT surgeons always were a strange bunch ;) Is there a future Mrs Jordan in the picture? I miss you too, will you be visiting any time soon.

Love you.

Zoe x

_**NJ:**_ Not strange, Dr Hanna. We just knew where the money was to be made and the glory to be found – besides, you never complained! That's thoughtful, she'd have appreciated it and she always said you were a lovely person. It's a shame you never got to know each other better. How was the wedding, was it a relation? I don't think I will be, you could always come out here if it gets too much for you though? Future Mrs Jordan? I hardly think so. I'm a workaholic. That title was always for you... you know that. I'll always love you Zoe Hanna.

All my love,

Nick x

_**ZH:**_ Workaholic sounds right. I know, and I just wish I could have given you what you wanted... maybe then I wouldn't have some skinny bitch surgeon trying to steal my job. No, no. No relation – an old school friend. Crap wedding though. The meal was rubbish, her church was freezing and her future father in law came on to me. Does that make you jealous, Mr Jordan? ;) Our wedding would have been much more tasteful! I can't believe it's been over a year since I've seen you; I really do miss you – every single day! I think I might take you up on that offer soon, I'm sure I could leave the ED in the esteemed Mrs Beauchamp's capable hands... she just loves the admin.

Love,

Zoe x

_**NJ:**_ Not jealous Dr Hanna, fuming. You know the thought of any other man touching you made my blood boil – remember Matt?! I miss you too, more than you'll ever know. I think about you every single day. You know, it's strange... I never could tell anyone how I was feeling but here I am telling you, via email, just how much I miss you. I wish I could take you in my arms right now. You know. On second thoughts, a trip home sounds good I'd like to say hello to Connie myself. I just feel lost without you Zoe, let me know if I can be of any assistance on the 'skinny bitch surgeon' front. I wouldn't worry about the 'skinny' part – your arse drove most men wild. I think we'll be seeing each other very soon.

Love you

Nick.

_**ZH:**_ Matt never stood a chance against you, Mr Jordan. You always were the one I wanted, I probably think about you more than I should. Even when I'm with other men, you fill my head. I can feel your skin, smell your smell... It's you that I want. Please come home, I'm sure Connie would love to see you. My backside is hardly a suitable topic of conversation now Mr Jordan ;) You never could keep your hands off it for too long though... I need you, Nick. I feel like such a fool telling you all of this but when you told me 'life goes on' I think you were very much mistaken... my life hasn't moved on, I haven't moved on. I still sleep in your shirts, you know? Just so I feel like I have a part of you beside me. I miss you more than you'll ever know.

All my love

Zoe xx

_**NJ: **_**FLIGHT CONFIRMATION: DETROIT-HOLBY CITY. ARR – 15.00h**

Will you be there to pick me up? Maybe then you can show me just how much you've missed me... I was foolish to ever leave you Dr Hanna. When I return I shall make things right, you will be Mrs Jordan – finally. I'll see you tomorrow.

All my love

Nick x

_**ZH:**_ I'll be there, I won't mention to anyone though – they could do with a surprise. Just think though, if Connie wasn't here you wouldn't heading home and about to have the best sex of your life ;) We definitely need to thank her. Can't wait to see you!

Love forever

Dr Zoe Hanna ( Soon to be Jordan :D) xx

**Should I do a chapter 2 on Nick returning? Not email style just a chapter on the reunion. Let me know! Hope you liked, anyway... review please :)**


	2. Chapter 2

"I can't believe it's really you" Zoe whispered in Nick's ear as he picked her up, hugging her tightly.

To passersby, who looked on smiling, they were just a couple very much in love. No one who saw the couple understood the deep connection forged between them. They were meant to be together, ties bound them that ran deeper than those that most other couples shared. Together they had been through a life time of issues and had come out stronger on the other side.

"It's really me" Nick replied, placing Zoe back on her feet and bending his head to kiss her. He wound an arm around her waist his hand resting on her perfect bum. He pulled back and looked at her seriously "I need to ask you something" he said, fishing around in the breast pocket of his suit , he bent down on one knee "Zoe Hanna, will you marry me?"

A crowd had formed around the coupled; cameras flashed and mobile phones videoed the impromptu proposal in the arrivals terminal.

"Of course I will, you silly man" Zoe cried, the tears falling down her face as he placed the ring on her finger and kissed her again, pulling his body as tightly to hers as possible. "I can't believe you're here. It's been four hundred and five days since you told me my life would go on and only now that you're back I feel almost normal again" she wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her forehead against his "I love you Nick Jordan" she sighed.

"I love you too, Zoe Hanna" he gave her hand a tug, leading her towards the car park "Come on, I want to see how my ED's doing"

Zoe snorted "_My _ED Mr Jordan" she gripped his hand tightly and lead him towards her Audi "Are you driving or shall I?"

"Go ahead" Nick replied opening to driver's door for her and letting her get settled before moving to passenger side "Take me to your ED, Dr Hanna. I believe there's an old friend I have yet to say hello to"

Zoe headed towards the ring road, glancing every so often at Nick. She couldn't believe he was here, in her car and that she was, finally, getting married to the man she loved; the man she had never stopped loving. "I take it you're coming back to mine tonight?" she asked quietly, concentrating on the build up of traffic in front of her.

"Most definitely, I believe I was promised the best sex of my life" he joked "besides; I couldn't spend one more night without you in my bed. You have no idea how much I've missed you"

"I've missed you too, so has everyone here" she gestured to the ED as she swung into the parking space '_reserved, Clinical Lead'_ "Welcome home" she whispered, leaning across the car to kiss him again, tracing her fingers over the stubble that had grown on the overnight flight "Time to face the music. I wasn't supposed to leave this afternoon; Tess will have my guts for garters"

"Well come on then" Nick urged, opening her car door for her and kissing her as she stepped out. "Let's face the music...and dance" he joked. Nick couldn't ever remember being this happy, he was back where he belonged with the woman he would never stop loving by his side. All he needed now was his job back or at least Joint Clinical Lead. Zoe and he; side by side once more.

**Going to turn this into a full story I think. I appreciate ever review and do read all... Thanks for your support!**


	3. Chapter 3

"It's a bit quiet in here" Zoe looked around, there were very few patients in the waiting area and all the staff seemed preoccupied; no one had noticed her or Nick. "Connie's probably performed surgery on them all and magically made them all disappear" Zoe said sarcastically. "Come on" she tugged his hand "We can go to my office for a while, get reacquainted..." she trailed off winking at him.

"It's a bit of a squeeze in here, isn't it?" Nick questioned, looking at the two desks jammed alongside one another "No matter plenty of room for this" he bent down to kiss her again; not quite believing she was here and in his arms, he held her close to him, hands wrapped around her waist and cupping her bum.

She was complete swathed in his body and loving every second of it, being much smaller than him he had blocked the view of anyone coming towards her office door "Lock the door..." she urged him, pressing her hips into his. She couldn't see the door and he had his back to it, it would portably end disastrously but she didn't care; Nick Jordan was in the same room as her, breathing the same air and kissing her senseless.

"Stop worrying so much" he insisted, barely removing his lips from hers. He urged her back further, allowing her to sit on the edge of her desk and allow him to step between her legs.

She rested one foot on the chair in front on her desk, the other wound itself around Nick's hips "I've missed this" she whispered trying not to break contact from his lips. She didn't want to stop touching him, afraid he might disappear if she let go of him. It had been almost three years since he'd kissed her like this and she wasn't letting him go now. She pressed her calf against his bum, urging him closer to her; a small voice in the back of her head told her she couldn't do this here but se suppressed it, trying to keep as little distance as possible between them.

The sound of the door swinging open forced their lips apart but neither of them moved from their position. Zoe looked at Nick, trying to stifle a giggle. She was cocked her head to the side looking to see who the intruder was. "Oh, hello Tess" she sighed "Do come on" she muttered sarcastically, only loud enough for Nick to hear. She dug her knee into is back as she heard him snort.

"Dr Hanna, where have you been? This is hardly professional is it? What would Mr Jordan say if he was here" she pressed; trying to guilt trip Zoe.

Zoe looked up at Nick, biting her lip gently. She was looking for his approval to reveal his identity.

Nick nodded slowly; he came here for a reason after all. He took a deep breath and turned his head slowly "I don't think he'd be complaining, Tess..." he looked her straight in the eye as he felt Zoe's legs unwrap from him, their moment had passed. "Hello again, Sister Bateman"

Tess looked blankly for a moment the patient notes she was carrying fell to the floor "Oh my god" she whispered, looking like she had seen a ghost. She rushed forward and pulled him into a hug "I can't believe you're here and are you two..." she looked for confirmation of their relationship status.

"Engaged" Zoe butted in with deep sincerity.

Tess's eyes snapped to Zoe's left hand, spotting the diamond that sat proudly on her ring finger "Eventually" she quipped, pulling Zoe into a hug and kissing her cheek. "I'm so pleased for you"

"Thanks Tess" Nick replied, "Now where is everyone, Zoe and I have an announcement to make"

"They're in the staffroom – Connie called a meeting"

"She did what?!" Zoe snapped "Just whose bloody department does she think this is?" she looked at Nick "Come one. I have a meeting to gatecrash"

Zoe stormed towards the staffroom, Nick's hand in hers pulling him along. "Sorry I'm late everyone" She burst into the staffroom, halting Connie mid flow "I was picking up a very special guest" she felt all eyes on hers a she spoke, heard Connie huffing in the background and smelt Nick's after shave on her. She stretched her hand out the hidden figure "Come on then" she urged.

Nick stepped into view "Hello everyone" he stood patiently amongst the 'Welcome Back's' the 'How have you been', 'Where have you been' and 'Good to see you' He looked up, fixing his eyes on Connie and taking Zoe's hand in his "Hello again Connie" he spoke loud and clear enjoying the look of shock on her face. "Zoe and I have an announcement to make" he addressed the entire staffroom. He looked at Zoe, urging her to let them know the good news.

"We're engaged" she spoke happily, enjoying the murmurs of 'congratulations' and 'When's the big day?'

"Took you long enough" Charlie shouted above the ruckus "For those of you who don't know, these two have been denying their feelings for years" e raised his mug of tea; the best attempt at a toast on short notice "To Nick and Zoe, we're glad you finally made it" he joked.

"To Nick and Zoe" The staff cheered; all except one.

Connie made her way over to the couple, looking directly at Nick "So... You're back then?"

"Oh, I most certainly am" he replied, squeezing Zoe's hand lightly "And I'm here to stay" he confirmed, looking around to kiss Zoe lightly.

"and it's all thanks to you Connie..." Zoe added lightly, allowing Nick to wrap an arm around her waist.


	4. Chapter 4

"Did you see her face?" Zoe laughed as they made their way back to Zoe's apartment "I wonder if our budget would stretch to another consultant..." Zoe mused; she would appreciate the back up if Connie started getting to grand. "I've missed working beside you" she whispered, swinging the car gracefully into her parking space.

"I've missed working with you too, watching you stride around like you owned the place in those tight little skirts and the heels... you really did know how to turn a man on" he smirked at her, leaning across the cramped space of her sports car to kiss her.

Zoe pulled back from the kiss, stroking a hand up and down his thigh, wandering dangerously close to his groin "Did?" she raised an eyebrow at him "by the looks of things I still do" she let her eyes fall below his waistline to the prominent bulge in his trousers "I think we should go inside and take care of that" she whispered softly, raising her eyes to meet his, her pink tongue darting out to wet her slowly drying lips.

"Yes..." Nick trailed off his eyes seeping over Zoe's form; her heaving chest her delectable cleavage slightly higher above her neck line "let's go inside"

They moved quickly from the car, hand in hand to the elevator in the underground car park below the apartments. Nick tugged Zoe into the lift, pushing the button for her floor as he done so. He bent his head to meet hers; immediately taking control of their kiss. He wanted to show her just how much he'd missed her. His hand slipped through her silky hair, holding the base of her neck lovingly.

As the doors to the elevator pinged open Zoe rushed forward, unlocking her door and pulling Nick inside "I've missed you so god damn much" she whispered, wrapping an arm firmly around his back, trailing over the contours of the muscles she remembered so well. She kissed him again, undoing his shirt and kissing his chest "No one compares to you" she sighed as she toyed with the button of his trousers, the weight of his wallet and phone forced them to his ankles as she let the button go. She kissed his chest again, her fingers playing with the line of hair that descended from his bellybutton. She looked up at him, towering over her small frame and licked her lips again. Slowly she sank to her knees, slipping his hand inside his boxers "You have no idea how many times I've thought about this" she murmured, easing his boxers to the floor and allowing him to step out of them "How many times I'd thought about flying to Michigan to do this..." she whispered as she took him in her mouth.

"God, Zoe." Nick stuttered as the felt her mouth around him, his hands found purchase in her hair. Grasping the locks, with gentle pressure guiding her through a routine she knew all too well. "You need to stop" he whispered, he bent down and picked her up kissing her. Hard. He felt her feel lock around his bum as he carried her to her bedroom "You certainly haven't lost your touch" he whispered as he pushed himself into her.

"Neither have you it seems" Zoe replied as they lay in bed together; he had been back mere hours and had already showed her the most exquisite pleasure. She was definitely gad she kept in touch.


	5. Chapter 5

Zoe sat in her office, reeling from her latest argument with Connie, she was sick to the back teeth of that woman trying to tell her how to do her job. Zoe was the first to admit that Connie Beauchamp was an excellent surgeon; second to none, accept maybe Nick. She wished Nick was by her side, with him she could maybe deal with Connie. She just needed some back up; everyone else in the ED seemed to be kneeling at Connie's feet, bowing to her every whim. It wasn't on; Zoe decided. This was her department. She turned her attention back to the computer screen in front of her, trying to complete the admin she had been building up over the past few weeks. The vibrating of her phone on the desk drew her attention away again; she smiled as she read the message.

_How's the skinny bitch doing? I have a meeting with Guy this afternoon about coming back to the ED. Shall we go for lunch? _

Zoe chuckled, reading over the message again. She barely acknowledged Connie's presence as she barged into her, their, office. She typed a quick reply to Nick, hoping she'd soon have his backup on the front line again. She needed him.

_Finding new ways to piss me off... We all want you back; Guy would be mad to say no. Can we make it lunch in the office, bit busy here today?_

Zoe shut her eyes, resting her head against the back of her chair. She drummed her nails on the desk, trying to will away the hours until Nick would put in an appearance. Sighing loudly she stood up, deciding the admin could wait as she headed towards the door, Connie's voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Look... Zoe. About what I said earlier I shouldn't have spoke to you the way I did but I still think I was right to wait for CT before I put a chest drain in."

Zoe whipped her head around, leaning her hands on Connie's desk "Thing is Connie, this is my department and down here the protocol is to get a chest drain in, as soon as. I don't need you to tell me how to do my job; I have been doing it since I left medical school." She spoke in a low, almost aggressive tone, sick of Connie Beauchamp. "Let's just put today behind us, yeah? Inexperience and all that..." she turned to leave before changing her mind and deciding to really stick the knife in "Besides, once Nick's back you'll have extra help in resus. Just someone to clarify things with, you know..." she smiled, smugly.

"Nick's coming back?" Connie asked, slightly shocked.

"Well he has a meeting with Guy this afternoon, they were squash partners. He would be mad to say no to Nick" Zoe replied, feeling more than a little pleased with herself.

The knock at the door interrupted whatever Connie was planning to say next.

Zoe whipped her head around, stony faced, in no mood for whoever had dared to bother her. Her face lightened as Nick stepped through the door into her office. "You're early" she almost sang, she had never felt so delighted to see anyone in her entire life. She stepped forward to greet him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss, momentarily forgetting where she was, just as she felt his tongue enter her mouth a cough pulled them apart. Zoe turned to look behind her "oh, sorry Connie" she giggled.

"Hello Mrs Beauchamp" Nick greeted, wrapping his arm around Zoe's waist. "Come on, let's get a coffee" he spoke to Zoe, raising a hand in farewell to Connie.

"I'm so glad you're here" Zoe sighed, leaning against the counter as Nick ordered them coffee. "I was about to kill her..."

Nick rubbed her back, pulling her close to his side. "Yes well, I'm here now" he tried to comfort her, kissing the top of her head as she laid her head on his shoulder.

Zoe looked at the clock as she sipped the last of her coffee "You've still got an hour till you meeting, I wonder how we could kill an hour..." she raised an eyebrow at Nick, leading him back to her office.

"We can't Zoe... not in here!" Nick replied, aghast as Zoe pushed him into her chair and sat on his lap "Connie could come back any minute" he looked worried, trying to ignore his growing arousal as Zoe kissed him, wiggling her bum in his lap.

"There, no need to worry" she replied, locking the door and pulling all the blinds down and returning to her desk. She sat on the edge, lever with Nick and pulled him closer by is tie and kissing him. "If you want a job here you'll have to impress the boss" she whispered in his ear as he stood up allowing her to wrap her legs around him. "Come on then, show me what you're made of" she teased, moaning softly as he entered her.

"So, Dr Hanna. Did I impress the boss?" Nick joked as he examined the bit marks on his shoulder where Zoe had tried to keep quiet.

"Most definitely" she replied with a satisfied grin on her face allowing him to re do the buttons on her shirt "Now go, or you'll be late" she urged, grabbing his bum as he passed her.

"Later then" he grinned over his shoulder as he opened the door surprised to find Connie standing directly in front of him.

"You two took your time" she hissed, not looking happy.

"Yes well, I had to impress the boss" Nick drawled, smirking at Zoe "Bye, love" he called, walking away.

"Sorry about that" Zoe grinned as Connie entered the office "You know how it is" she joked, buttoning her shirt higher to hide the mark Nick had left on her collar bone "He really was trying to impress me..."


	6. Chapter 6

"Well?" Zoe looked up expectantly as Nick entered the office, she could tell Connie was already very interested in this conversation but neither Nick nor Zoe was acknowledging her presence.

"Senior Consultant in Holby City ED as of Monday" Nick confirmed "and..." he lowered his voice slightly "available to help the Clinical Lead with whatever she sees fit, as long as it means she'll be home on time and in bed with me every night" he winked at her.

"Glad to have you on board" Zoe stood up formally to shake his hand "I look forward to working with you Mr Jordan" she smiled at him, leaning across her desk to kiss him. She turned to look at the clock behind her "I think a bottle of champagne is in order" she replied, switching off her computer monitor and allowing Nick to help her into her coat. She smiled at him as he wrapped her scarf around her neck, kissing her when he'd finished.

"To us" Nick and Zoe toasted as they cuddled together on the couch, drinking their champagne.

"It'll be good to have you back" Zoe whispered, her face buried in Nick's chest.

"It'll be good to be back" he replied, drawing her face level with his and kissing her "I've missed this" he mumbled against her lips "I was an idiot to ever leave you" he mourned, taking her in his arms and pulling her on to his knee.

"I'm not arguing with you" she grinned, clamping his thighs between her knees, swinging her hair to one side as she moved her lips across his neck "You definitely were a fool" she whispered as she bit down on his collar bone "but I was a complete cow" she mumbled into his shoulder, quietly enough that he had to strain to hear it "so we're even" she finished returning her lips to his and moving her hands to cup the back of his neck.

Nick wanted to broach the subject of what happened between them, he couldn't believe it had been three years since he'd been in this position with Zoe. He'd missed her every single one of those days and his biggest regret was that they'd never spoken about what happened, now definitely wasn't the time though. He felt Zoe raise herself up, her hands fumbling with the zip of his trousers and trying to pull his length out of his trousers. Her thighs trembled as she lowered herself down on to him, taking her pleasure from him. Her groans in his ear turned him on more than he could ever imagine, his hands gripped her hips, guiding her as he kissed her.

"I love you" she moaned, throwing her head back in pleasure as Nick, once again, showed her the stars. "Come on" she ushered him; pulling her nightgown back down to her thighs "let's go to bed" she took his hand, leading him upstairs to her bedroom. She grabbed her dressing gown "I'll be back in a minute" as she headed into her en suite to get ready for bed.

Nick sighed, stripping down to his boxers and sliding into bed, propping himself against the headboard to wait for Zoe. He watched her closely as she returned to the bedroom; make up free wearing only his shirt. She'd never looked more beautiful to him, his shirt sat just under the curve of her bum, teasing him with glances of his favourite part of her body. His eyes moved up from her legs, trailing over the curves of her waist and up to the very obvious cleavage where she hadn't buttoned the shirt up properly. "I don't think you'll need to wear that" he murmured, nodding to the shirt.

Zoe smirked at his comment; she still had it. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips as her hands moved to the buttons of her shirt. She undone all the buttons and stood beside the bed, anticipating Nick's move as he knelt on the bed and pushed the shirt slowly from her shoulders, his lips trailing along her collarbone as he pulled her into the bed and positioned himself over her and slid into her.

"I love you" he whispered, as they lay together bathed in the moonlight "You know that don't you? I've never stopped loving you Zoe Hanna"

Zoe turned on her side, slinging one leg across his hip and resting her head on his chest "I know, and I love you too. More than you'll ever know..."

Nick propped himself up on his elbow, stroking Zoe's hair. "I want you to tell me what happened" he urged, rubbing soothing circles into her back.

Zoe sighed, running a hand through her hair; she was expecting this moment to come. "I..." she began, feeling her stomach drop.


	7. Chapter 7

"I never lied to you, Nick. You have to know that" Zoe began, biting her lip softly. Even Nick didn't know her darkest secrets and she didn't really feel like spilling them now.

Nick wrapped his arm around Zoe, pulling her close to his chest "It's ok" he encouraged.

"No it's not" the tears began to spill down her face as she spoke "I really was pregnant, do you remember the patient with the pacemaker who'd been taking cocaine?" she asked not waiting for a response, he probably didn't but that day stuck out clearly in her mind. "You just asked me, well told me I was marrying you the day before" she gave a watery chuckle "I was so happy and we were having a baby. I just wanted to tell everyone. I hadn't been pregnant for as long as you thought but I was pregnant" she let out a huge breath she'd been holding, feeling like the weight of the lie's she told were finally being lifted. "Anyway, a week later I fainted in the staffroom, you remember? Kirsty found me, when I came around Adam said I had bumped my head but it was the pain in my stomach that worried me more. I was lying on my front when they found me, but no one knew I was pregnant, well not until I threw up anyway" she reached for Nick's hand grasping it tightly in hers as she continued her story "Kirsty had found the hormone injections, she thought I was faking being pregnant. She didn't give me a chance to explain I wasn't using them anymore, so I didn't get a chance to tell her I landed on my stomach when I fell" she looked at Nick, at the tears in his eyes and sighed, she knew he blamed himself but it wasn't his fault the blame was one hundred percent hers. "I don't blame you Nick, don't blame yourself" she added. "When I went home that night, you were working late. It was actually in your apartment, that's where we were living at the time but when I got undressed for bed... there was blood. I was bleeding Nick, and I was so scared but I told myself there wasn't a lot and it was normal. I just wish I'd told you, but you were so happy and I didn't want you to leave me. How ironic" she joked through her tears. "The night on the JAFFA awards, I went for the scan and I prayed to myself that there was still a baby inside me, but there wasn't, it was just empty and I felt like a part of me had broken" She looked up at him, waiting for him to interrupt but he sat there quietly waiting for her to finish "You'll never know how sorry I am, or how much I wanted things to be ok. I really never meant to hurt you" she whispered.

"Oh, darling. I wish you'd said something, maybe then I could have helped you. We could have fixed it, together. You should have called me the moment you knew you were bleeding" he pulled her close, rocking her as she cried. She cried for their relationship, for their baby and for all the lies she'd told.

"That's the thing" Zoe whispered into his chest, not wanting to continue her tale.

"Go on" Nick urged, running is hand back and forth across her back.

"There wasn't that much blood and I... I've had miscarriages before and there was always so much blood and I was in agony with those" she mumbled, feeling a fresh set of tears blur her eyes.

"With me?" Nick asked, trying to figure out just how much Zoe hadn't told him.

"Yes" Zoe admitted fearfully, not wanting to see his reaction. She didn't let him get a word in as she finished her story "I've had four miscarriages; two with you – including the one before we split up the second time. One when I was with Sean, that was an accident and the other when I had just left medical school, I was working at a hospital in Leeds."

"Tell me about them" Nick urged "You need to talk about these things" he tried to comfort her.

Zoe sighed "Fine, but there's a bottle of tequila in my kitchen and I think we might need it after this" she laughed, glad she was finally getting the chance to talk.

"Start at the beginning" Nick encouraged.

"I... the first time, I'd barely qualified as a doctor I was working on a ward in Leeds and I was good, I was a brilliant doctor, everyone said so. Anyway, I hadn't been there long and my senior consultant took me out for a drink. Eventually, we began a relationship, it was my first ever affair and I felt terrible. I'd met his wife and she was such a lovely person. We hadn't been seeing each other long but we'd had sex numerous times, anywhere we could. Eventually, the sickness started and I knew immediately what was wrong. I told him, hoping he'd be supportive and do you know what he done? The bastard hit me, as hard as he could and I went tumbling into his desk. The only thing he said to me was 'You're a stupid bitch' so I went home, quit right there and then. It was three days before the pain started and then I was bleeding; there was so much blood I passed out and woke up in hospital when my flatmate found me, I was only twenty two. They thought I was a battered wife, I had so many bruises but I just left, discharged myself and went to London" she finished the first part of her story, looking for Nick's reaction.

Nick kissed Zoe gently "It's ok" he confirmed "keep going"

"I lived in London, without any problems for nearly seven years before I got caught shagging my boss, again. By then I'd already been offered the job in Holby and I was already seeing Sean, we'd been together about six months when I found out I was pregnant. I never told him though, a week later I found out he was married to Jessica and we argued, like no argument I'd ever had. I even threw an ashtray at is head. He left, later that night I called him a scumbag and told him I never wanted to see him again. I didn't even notice I was bleeding until I was in the bath and the water turned crimson; that was the second baby I'd lost. I had gotten myself knocked up, by another scumbag but I would still have loved my child. More than anything in the world" again, she looked for reassurance from Nick, who looked slightly shell shocked. She decided it was best to continue her story "A couple of months later you pitched up at the hospital and I knew that I wanted you. It seems I have a thing about sleeping with the boss" she tried to joke. "It was just after my thirty second birthday, and Sharice had just gone to live with her grandparents when we slept together in your office. We never used a condom, I wasn't even thinking about that at the time. I got pregnant again though and I vowed I'd take it easy and once I got to twelve weeks I'd tell you. If you didn't want anything to do with it; that would have been fine too but deep down I knew you weren't like that. Nothing brought this one on, it wasn't as painful as the other two but I'd failed again. In ten years I'd had three miscarriages and that's when I decided to go to the gynaecologist. She told me there was too much scarring on my womb for a baby to implant properly; she said it was probably the first one that had done it. I just keep thinking how different my life would be if I hadn't told Steven I was pregnant; I'd have a teenager by now but I'd never have met you. Anyway, you know the story of the fourth one." She finished her story, allowing nick to pull her even closer to him. "I've had such a messed up life" she mused "Zoe – I've slept with half of the NHS – Hanna. That's what'll be put on my gravestone" she tried to joke.

"None of that was your fault" Nick admonished her jokes "You've got me now and even if we never have children, I will always love you" he pulled her back to his as he lay down.

"I'm just sorry I never told you before" Zoe admitted "I think we should get married soon" She spoke softly, trying to get rid of the croak in her voice from telling her story though tears "I'm almost thirty eight, and neither of us are going to get younger" she laughed. "I love you" she whispered as they closed their eyes.

Nick squeezed her waist reassuringly "mm, I love you too" He agreed.


	8. Chapter 8

"Come back to bed" Zoe moaned as she watched Nick opening the curtains in their bedroom, she sat up pushing her hair from her face and allowing the sheets to pool around her waist.

Nick was assaulted with the sight of his fiancées naked breasts as he turned around "Don't to that" he replied huffily "It's my first day back and we cannot be late, now move your bum" he smiled, holding out his hand to help her up.

"You're no fun anymore" Zoe grumbled cheekily as she moved towards the kitchen to make coffee. "Here you are" she proffered the coffee mug to Nick returning to the bedroom as he exited the shower. "Come on" she motioned her head to the bed, watching droplets of water run down his abdomen "just a quickie" she grinned, looking at the clock "We've got bags of time" she untied her dressing gown, letting it fall to the floor.

Nick took the coffee bug from Zoe, taking a slow sip as he looked her naked form up and down. He moved towards her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close "Well I can't so no when you look like that, can I?" he whispered in her ear. He trailed his lips along her neck pushing her down onto the bed and kissing his way down her body, he felt her muscles contract as he pushed his tongue inside her, her hand clutching his hair as she orgasmed. He crawled up her body, pulling her thighs around his hips and pushing himself into her.

"What a lovely way to start the morning" Zoe sighed pulling her shoes on "Nothing's going to get me down today, not while you're by my side" she promised grabbing his hand "are you driving this morning? My legs are still shaking" she joked.

"Come on then" Nick ushered her into the car "you really do know how to stroke my ego" he chuckled, heading away from their apartment and towards the hospital.

"I'll stroke more than that" Zoe whispered as she made her way into her office "now go on, you've got some doctoring to do"

"Aye, aye captain" Nick drawled, pulling her in for a kiss "If you're really up for that stroking, I can always drop by your office" he winked, walking away.


	9. Chapter 9

Zoe woke up confused; the bed beside her was empty and the sheets cold. Her head was pounding and she felt nauseas, the blurred memories of last night's hen night came flooding back to her. She was getting married today.

_The bass line of the song was reverberating through Zoe's body as she danced, she'd already had a quite a fair bit to drink; the girls were pouring shots down her neck and the double vodka's weren't helping. Even Connie had came along, the two women forming a truce for the lead up to Zoe's wedding and she had decided to leave Connie in charge. She could feel someone grabbing her hips, pulling her close to their chest as they tried to dance with her. "Get off of me" she struggled, trying to remover herself from their vice like grip "I'm getting married, now get away from me" she shouted over the music. No one was paying hr any attention as she struggled and the girls all seemed to have disappeared. _

"_You can't expect to wear that dress and think that men will ignore you" the voice in her ear muttered as she felt herself being propelled towards the exit "I'll definitely show you a good time" the voice continued as the fresh air hit Zoe."God you're hot" Zoe felt herself being backed against the wall as the face of her assailant came into view, his hands trailing under her dress and sliding her knickers down her legs. _

"_You can't do this to me" she murmured softly; trying to disguise the moan of pleasure as she felt his fingers being pushed inside her "I'm a married woman" was her next protest as his lips trailed along her collarbone and he picked her up pushing into her. _

"_Not quite yet you're not" he growled, pushing his hips against hers and kissing her, hard. _

_Zoe moaned in pleasure, tipping her head back and allowing his lips more access to her pulse point "You're a bad man, Nick Jordan" she whispered, clenching her thighs tighter around him "You're not supposed to see me until tomorrow" she slapped him lightly on the shoulder as he kissed her again, keeping her firmly pinned against the wall. "Why are you even here?" she asked. _

"_Well, after that picture you sent me of you and the girls with the male strippers I decided I needed to show you just who it is that you want, and your arse in that dress made if awful hard to resist you. Besides; everyone else has gone home, because it's four o'clock in the morning and I was lonely" he finished, wrapping his suit jacket around her shoulders "I'd better go" he whispered, kissing her again "Charlie will kill me if he finds out I've been to see you and Tess will have me strung up if she catches on" he made his way towards the taxi rank "see you tomorrow" and with that he was gone._

Zoe stumbled downstairs to find her entire hen party passed out between the sofas in her living room. The room smelt strongly of alcohol with the aroma of bacon wafting through from her kitchen. "Morning Tess" Zoe greeted as she made her way into the kitchen to find a bacon roll and a cup of coffee waiting for her "You're my hero" she praised, sipping the strong coffee . "I'll need to start getting ready soon, you're stuff is in the spare bedroom" she added "Sleep ok?"

"Yes, yes I slept fine" Tess replied, plating up more bacon rolls to take through to the living room "The hairdresser and beautician will be here in half an hour; you'd better take a shower" Tess advised, smelling the stale alcohol that came from Zoe.

"Aye, aye captain" Zoe muttered.

"You look beautiful" came the chorus as Zoe made her way downstairs, in her dress.

"The cars are waiting" Tess reminded everyone.

While Zoe had so many close friends in the ED she had decided not to have any bridesmaids; just her and Nick on the altar, together.

"Do you Nick Jordan take Zoe Hanna to be you're lawfully wedded wife?" the registrar asked

"I do" he confirmed, squeezing Zoe's hand lightly

"And do you Zoe Hanna take Nick Jordan to be your lawfully wedded husband?" the registrar continued

"I do" she whispered

"Well then I now pronounce you husband and wife, you many kiss your bride" the ceremony finished.

Nick pulled Zoe closer to him, ignoring the cheers as he kissed his wife.

"I love you Mrs Jordan" he mumbled against her lips. 


	10. Chapter 10

"_Can you believe we've been married five years?" Zoe questioned as she looked out over the Parisian skyline, she Nicks arms wrapping around her waist and his kisses on the back of her neck. _

"_No, definitely not" he agreed, his kisses moving further around her neck suckling gently on her pulse point. "Who knew I could've put up with you for five whole years" he laughed, he spun her around to survey the room before them, it was a long way from Holby City "or that we'd be living in Paris, the city of love" he whispered in her ear. _

He had been offered a job, as a surgeon in an English speaking hospital on the outskirts of Paris, and had immediately accepted. Zoe had been thrilled, of course, she was moving to one of the busiest cities in the world with the greatest shopping streets. She had taken to it immediately, Nick remembered fondly:

"_You'll have to help me with these" Zoe demanded as she struggled up the stairs, with what looked like half the contents of the Parisian shops between both arms. "Thank god I married a surgeon" she laughed, passing some of her burden over to him "I think I may have just bankrupted us, but then again only you would take a job in Paris when I shop as much as I do" she set the bags down in their sitting room and pulled him closer to her and toying with the button on his trousers "Would you like me to say thank you Monsieur Jordan?" she teased, laying on their couch and pulling him by his tie on top of her "I think there's a reason they call it the city of love" she whispered to him_

"I love you Zoe" he remembered what he had whispered to her, that night, as she slept soundly beside him, after saying thank you to him three times. They finally felt settled together, in Paris. A regular couple, more in love with each other than anyone on the world would ever know. He looked down at the bed Zoe lay in, her tanned skin contrasting with the crisp white sheets, he stroked her head softly as she remembered the night they had left Holby, it almost killed Zoe to hand her department over to Connie:

"_Promise me you will all look after it" she demanded as she stood, arm in arm with Nick in the Hope and Anchor, "I guess these are all yours" she sighed, handing Connie the keys to her office. She looked at all her staff; then the ones who had been with her through everything for the past seven years, Tess and Charlie "I'll miss you" she whispered to both of them "Please don't be a stranger" she asked and she held them both tightly, the tears streaming down her face "Make it great, keep doing everything that you do and don't let her get to grand" she joked motioning her head to Connie who stood alone at the bar. "I love you all" she called as she slipped into the taxi; waiting to take her on the start of her next journey. She looked at Nick "And I love you" she sighed, kissing him lightly and resting her head on his shoulder. "I'll miss you" she whispered, looking behind her and directing her comment towards the bleak building of the hospital._

He looked back towards his frail wife, watching as her eyes fluttered open "Hey, you" he whispered, kissing her lightly "How are you feeling?" he looked down at her bruised and battered body.

"Like crap" she replied, grasping his hand tightly "Hold me, please" she asked quietly, allowing him to slip his arm around her and cuddle her tightly "I love you Nick Jordan" she whispered into the dimly lit room.

"And I love you" he agreed, slipping into a fitful sleep; the first time he had shut his eyes since that fateful announcement sixty three hours ago.

_Nick sat at his desk, head in his hands, he had a throbbing headache and he wanted to get home to his wife. She was on her way to collect him; they were going for dinner to celebrate her forty fifth birthday and their second year in Paris when his assistant burst into his office _

"_Monsieur Jordan" she panted, having clearly ran to find him "You're wife, had been in a car accident" her heavy French accent told him."She is downstairs, in the emergency department"_

_Nick stood up, quicker than he had ever stood up in his life and ran for the stairs, taking them two at a time until he reached reception "My wife" he demanded; everyone here knew who he was. The lead doctor took him to her side; she wasn't in a good condition he told him but he didn't need to be told, the scans pinned to the light box beside her told him everything he needed to know. "Oh, my darling" he sighed kissing her forehead gently and grasping her hand. The man who had collided with her had died on impact; he was drunk and probably never felt a thing. _

"_I'm fine" she assured him, smiling weakly. They both knew this was not true; but the couple never had been good at facing up to reality. _

"_I know darling" he smiled at her "I love you, and happy birthday" he whispered opening the gift box to show her the platinum bracelet he had bought for her. He slipped it onto her wrist, kissing her pulse point gently. _

"_It's gorgeous" she smiled, the bruising on her face prominent as she slipped back to sleep._

"Monsieur Jordan" a doctor shook him awake from his position on his wife's hospital bed "I'm terribly sorry, but you're wife is gone" he told him sadly.

Nick sat up, watching the nurses removing the wires from Zoe's body. The tears slipped down his face; she couldn't be gone. Not Zoe, she was the strongest person he knew. "I love you darling" he whispered to her as he kissed her for the last time. "I'm so glad we kept in touch" he smiled softly as he looked down at her; she looked like she was sleeping. Seven years they had been married; a couple for ten – on and off, of course. He told her every single day that he loved her.

"Charlie" Nick sobbed down the phone "It's Zoe, she's... she's dead" he cried, phoning the first person that he knew he could trust. He broke down completely; he was supposed to die first – not her. Not his beautiful Zoe.

Charlie's arm gripped Nick's shoulder comfortingly as they stood in the rainy graveyard of Holby watching as they lowered his wife into the ground; all of their old colleagues and friends surrounded him as the remembered the Zoe they loved, thinking of her mischievous antic and flirtatious ways.

"Goodnight my love" he whispered, throwing a handful of earth onto her coffin.

**Sorry to do that; but I didn't know where I was going with this (Originally a one shot) and I thought I'd put a little twist in. Hope you enjoyed it anyway and thanks to those who've stuck with it!**


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